The Order Expert
by iloveromance
Summary: Axl tries to impress Sean and Darrin with his unique way of scoring free food. But his idea doesn't go exactly as planned. Mainly Axl/Sean/Darrin but also some Sue/Darrin mixed in.


"I'm starving!" Sean said as they drove through the streets of Orson.

"Me too, actually." Axl replied. "Where do you want to go?"

Darrin shrugged. "I don't know. What about you?"

"How about the Burger Barn?" Sean suggested.

Darrin looked appalled. "What? We just went to that place last week! I vote for the Taco Tent!"

Axl rolled his eyes at his friend's weird enthusiasm. "That place is lame! Pick something else!"

But Darrin just wouldn't' give up. "What's wrong with the Taco Tent? Their burritos are awesome!"

"Yeah, whatever. Let's go to the Pizza Pit." Axl said.

This time it was Sean who protested. "What? Pizza again?"

"You got a better idea?"

"Yeah! Cheeseburger Express!"

"No way!"

"Why not?"

"Because I..."

The three boys continued to argue until the bitter Orson cold turned their faces as blue as their letter jackets and they shuffled their feet, trying desperately to keep warm.

"So what are we gonna do? I'm starving! Not to mention freezing!" Sean said.

Suddenly Axl's eyes lit up. "Wait a minute!"

Sean and Darrin stared at him in surprise.

"What?"

"What's going on?"

"I have a brilliant idea!."

"Does it involve eating?"

"Ha ha ha, very funny, Sean!"

"Well, actually I have to agree with Sean." Darrin said. "Because if your _brilliant idea_ doesn't involve food, than I don't see the point-."

Axl held up his hands in frustration. "Oh my God, do you want to hear my idea nor not?"

"Yeah, of course. What are you waiting for?" Sean asked.

Ignoring his friend, Axl waved his hand. "Come on, let's go."

"Where?"

"To the Burger Barn."

Sean pumped his fist in the air, victorious. "Yes!"

Darrin groaned. "Dang it. I always lose out!"

"Well, if this works, we can do it again tomorrow at the Taco Tent!"

"Do what?"

"You'll see."

Darrin's eyes narrowed. "It's not illegal, is it?"

"You're seriously asking me that? Since when have I done anything illegal?" He paused regarding his friends skeptical faces. "Don't answer that."

At the Burger Barn they stood in front of the counter, trying to decide what to order. The somewhat clueless employee (who reminded Axl a lot of his dork sister) took their orders and asked for their names.

"Why do they need our names?" Darrin asked.

"So that they'll know which food to give us." Axl explained.

"But what if they get the name wrong?"

"Their loss."

Darrin still looked worried when they found a table in the corner and sat down.

"I don't know about this. Maybe we should-."

Sean's hand on Darrin's collar prevented him from standing. "Just relax will ya? The Ax man knows what he's doing."

"I sure hope so. I'd hate to get arrested at the Burger Barn! Do you know how embarrassing that would be?"

Before Axl could even begin to think of a reply to Darrin's stupid comment, an employee appeared in the dining room, carrying a tray full of food.

"Alex?"

Axl grinned at Darrin and Sean. "Watch this…" He waved his hand to get the kid's attention. "Over here."

"How did they get _Alex_ out of _Axl_?" Sean wanted to know.

"Who cares?"

The employee brought over the tray of food and Axl immediately began checking it out.

"So, what'd you get?" Sean asked.

"Sweet! French fries and a cheeseburger! Score one for the Ax man!"

"Hey, let me try that!" Sean chimed in. Just as a different employee walked by and called out the name _George_ , Sean waved his hand. The employee walked over to

him and gave him the tray of food. "Enjoy, sir."

"I will!" Sean said. "Let's see what I got! Oh awesome! Look! Double bacon cheeseburger and garlic fries!"

"Wow, I can't believe that works!" Darrin said. "Let me try it."

A third employee came into the dining room. "Darrin?"

"Yeah, that's me! Over here!" Darrin said, waving his hand. "Gee, what are the odds of someone else named Darrin being in the same restaurant?"

Axl and Sean broke into hysterical laughter at Darrin's comment. But Darrin was not amused. "Hey! What's so funny?"

"Um, nothing." Axl said. "What did you get?"

"Um, let's see… Whoa, this is weird!"

"What is?"

"This person Darrin ordered the exact same thing that I did!"

"Uh, Darrin-."

"What?"

Axl grinned. "Never mind."

"Axl?"'

"Over here!" Axl said to the employee. Within seconds he was devouring his food.

"So, how is it?" Sean asked.

"Oh, it's okay. Not as good as what _Alex_ ordered."

"Steven?"

"Yeah that's me." Sean said, glancing at Axl and Darrin. When the tray was set in front of him, he frowned.

"Something wrong sir?" The employee asked.

"Um, yeah. You know, I ordered fries with this and I don't see them anywhere on this tray."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll get those right away, sir." The employee turned around and headed for the counter and within seconds, Sean and Axl burst out laughing.

"Dude that was epic!" Axl said, giving Sean a high five.

"Guys, I don't know about this." Darrin said. "What if they catch us?"

"What are they going to do to us, make us give it back?" Axl asked, bringing a fit of laughter to the table yet again.

"Can they do that?" Darrin asked.

"Oh my God, just eat your food, all right?"

Much to Axl and Sean's dismay, Darrin refused to play their game any longer, but the two of them continued, getting tray after tray of free food. But after a while, even they had to stop.

"Ugh, I'm so full." Axl said, clutching his stomach.

"Me too." Sean agreed.

"Hey, you want to go to the Ice Cream Palace for shakes?" Darrin suggested.

"Oh my God, are you kidding?" Axl said. "No way!"

"Fine, suit yourself. Hey, I wonder if Sue would want to go. Would it be all right if I go over to your house and asked her?"

"Fine, whatever, just leave me to die in peace." Axl said. He slumped against the seat and groaned. "Oh my God, I feel like a beached whale."

"See ya later." Darrin said. But neither Sean nor Axl paid him any attention as he walked out of the restaurant.

"I feel sick." Sean said.

"Me too." Axl replied. "I hope we can get home in one piece.

"Your _brilliant idea_ wasn't so brilliant."

"What are you talking about? We got about a hundred dollars' worth of food for ten bucks!"

"Yeah, but-."

"Ugh, come on, I need to get home."

"Me too."

On the drive home, neither Sean nor Axl said a word. And when Axl pulled the car in front of his house, he shut off the engine and leaned against the seat, clutching his stomach. "Oh God…"

"See ya at school, man." Sean said.

"Maybe." Axl said. After a few minutes he got out of the car and walked into the house. Almost immediately he caught a whiff of spaghetti sauce. He recognized it instantly; Ragu Traditional. The Frugal Hoosier must have had it on sale again.

"About time you showed up." Mike said, appearing in in the living room. "Where have you been?"

"Oh , just hanging out with Sean and Darrin."

Sue jumped up from the sofa and went to him, grinning. "Did you see Darrin? What did he say? Did he ask about me?"

"Oh my God, enough!" Axl said. Suddenly he wished he were an only child.

"Well?"

"Yeah, I saw him. I just said I was hanging out with him, didn't I?"

"Well you don't have to be all mean about it! God…"

"Axl, just answer Sue's questions before she starts asking more." Mike said.

"Yes, I did see him and he said he was going to come over later to ask you out for ice cream." He grimaced, the thought of ice cream making him feel almost physically ill.

"You all right, Axl?"

"Mom made your favorite!" Sue said excitedly. "Spaghetti and Ragu!"

Axl smiled weakly. "Yea…"

"You could at least show some enthusiasm!" Mike said. Your mother has been in there for hours cooking. Normally it would only take about twenty minutes but the microwave… you know…"

"Yeah, whatever. All right, fine. I'll eat."

"Diner!" Frankie's voice called from the kitchen.

They sat down to eat and Sue giggled like the dork that she was. She was the only person in the world who got so excited over spaghetti.

"So, Axl, I made your favorite!" Frankie proudly.

Axl gave Frankie his best fake smile. "Yeah, I see that. Thanks."

"Dig in!"

Gladly!" Brick said, putting a heaping amount of spaghetti on his plate.

"Brick, don't you think that's a bit much?" Frankie asked. "Leave some for Axl."

Axl held up his hand. "It's fine, Mom." He didn't have to look at his parents to know that they were looking at each other worriedly. It was probably the first time in the history of the world that he'd ever turned down food.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"What? Oh, yeah... I forgot about that." Slowly he filled his plate with spaghetti, but the minute he poured the sauce, he jumped up from the table and raced to the bathroom.

"Axl! Get back in here!" Mike yelled.

But Brick wasn't fazed one bit and proceeded to help himself to another round. "Oh well, more for me!"

"Brick, you can't possibly eat that much spaghetti!" Frankie said.

"Oh, it's not for eating. Not most of it anyway. I just wanted to see what it would look like."

"See what it would look like?"

"See what _what_ would look like?" Mike asked.

"A heaping plate of spaghetti. You see, I read about it in a book, and-."

Mike, Frankie and Sue groaned.

"Never mind, all right? As long as you eat every bit and not let it go to waste."

"It's fine, Mike."

"No it's _not_ fine, Frankie! I won't have him wasting food! It's too valuable!"

"Mike what has gotten into you?"

Mike stared at her for a moment. "I don't know."

"Well, just eat what you can, Brick and you can bring the rest for lunch tomorrow."

Brick's eyes widened. "For lunch? But there's no microwave in the cafeteria!"

"There's barely one here, so deal with it."

Mike took a bite of his spaghetti and turned to Frankie. "Hey, this is pretty good."

"Aw, you're just saying that." Frankie replied.

"We'll see if I was just saying that. I'll meet you in the bedroom in say a half an hour?"

Brick and Sue cringed.

"Mom!"

"Ewww… So soon after dinner?"

"We'll talk." Frankie said, patting Mike on the shoulder.

When the doorbell rang, Sue jumped out of her chair and ran to the door. "That's Darrin."

"Great." Mike said. But Sue hesitated before opening the door "What's wrong?"

"I can't go like this!"

"Why not?"

"Because this isn't a proper _ice cream eating_ outfit!" She pointed to her grey cat sweater and sighed as the doorbell rang again. "Ugh, will someone please go and get the door?"

She disappeared into her room and Mike reluctantly answered the door. "Darrin. What brings you here?"

"I just came to ask Sue if she wanted to go for ice cream."

"Yeah, I heard. Well, come on in."

"Thank you, Mr. Heck."

"I'll see what's keeping her."

Mike walked down the hallway but paused by Axl's room, surprised to find him in bed sound asleep. "Hmm… That's weird."

He knocked on Sue's door. "Sue! Darrin's here!"

"All right Dad, just a minute!" Sue emerged a few seconds later, wearing a pink sweatshirt with a chocolate ice cream in a cone on the front. Mike grimaced at the smiling face on the ice cream. Where did his daughter find this stuff?

Sue, however, seemed proud of her outfit and she held out her arms and twirled around. "How do I look?"

"Great. Now go on, Darrin's waiting."

She let out an almost-scream and hurried past Mike, yelling "Don't wait up!"

"What was that all about?" Frankie asked when Mike returned to the kitchen.

"Who knows? And I found Axl sound asleep. What's that all about?"

"Beats me. But I'm not complaining. Brick, go to your room."

"Me? What did I do?"

"Nothing yet. Now go."

"Fine." Brick scoffed. "I'll just have to read about spaghetti."

"You can have it at school tomorrow. And probably the next four days after that."

Meanwhile, Sue hurried into the living room and grinned at Darrin. "Hey, what brings you here?"

Darrin rose to his feet. "Oh, your dad didn't tell you? I'm here to take you out for ice cream."

"Rea-lly?" Sue asked feigning innocence.

"Yeah, if you want some."

"I _never_ turn down ice cream!" Sue said. "Don't wait up, Dad!"

"I won't." Mike replied.

As she walked out of the house with Darrin, holding his hand, they stopped on the front porch to kiss. "So what kind of ice cream do you like, Sue Heck? Your shirt is chocolate, but-."

"Chocolate works for me."

"How did you get an ice cream shirt anyway?"

"I don't remember. I think my grandma bought it for me."

"Well, it's nice."

"Thanks. So where are we going?"

"Um, I don't know. What do you think?"

"The Burger Barn has good ice cream. Oh, they have that Rainbow Swirly kind that I really-."

But Darrin's expression turned to one of worry.

"What is it?"

"I… We should go somewhere else."

"Why?"

"Well… it's a long story."

"Okay, how about Ice Cream Palace?"

"That's perfect."

They went to his car and climbed inside. "So what's wrong with the Burger Barn?" Sue asked.

Darrin put on his seat belt and started the engine. "Um, nothing. But I'd rather go to the Ice Cream Palace."

"Okay, that's fine with me." Sue replied. "Oh, I hope they have rainbow sprinkles at least."

Darrin breathed a sigh of relief as he headed down the street en route to the Ice Cream Palace.

"That was a close call." He muttered. "I'd hate for someone to recognize me. After all, Sean and Axl did steal food. Come to think of it so did I. I hope that guy Darrin doesn't go hungry."

"Did you say something, Darrin?" Sue asked.

"Um, no. Just trying to decide what kind of ice cream I want."

"Well, let me tell you, Rainbow Swirl is the best, but if not…"

While Sue went on and on about Rainbow ice cream, Darrin sighed again. It would be a very long time before he set foot in the Burger Bar again. And seeing how green Axl and Sean looked when he left them earlier, he figured they wouldn't be going there much either. But Darrin didn't care. He preferred the Taco Tent over the Burger Bar any day. Maybe he'd ask Sue to accompany him next time.

THE END


End file.
